| It's 1:40am and I should be going to bed, but I really have to put this down before I lose all of this and slip back into the normalcy and menial world tomorrow. By this, I am not just talking about work or the office environment, but rather the whole culture in which everything seems to be pervaded. Sometimes living in Singapore feels like you live in Omaha and you think you live in one of the greatest and most vibrant cities in the world, just because you are the leading city of Nebraska. But once you step outside and look at the Londons, New Yorks and Parises of the world, you realize that maybe there're lots more other things that exist beyond what you trumpet.
Anyhow, I'm not staying up to write a whole bashing-up-my-country post.
Since last year, every time I go on holiday and meet friends and mingle in their lives (again) there, I've started wondering to myself if what I really want to do in life is spend most of my time stressing out about whether my oil is going to get to a certain place at a certain time. It's not something that comes because I'm getting completely repressed at work, rather, I think it's because there are certain things in life that are important to me that I find myself losing more and more. Like, the ability and energy to relate to people and play a part in their lives. I spend so much time every day on the phone convincing, cajoling, demanding, sweet-talking and haranging people to do things for me that it often leaves nothing for the people that matter. You get pushed and pulled in all sorts of directions that you're often not only managing your counterparties, you're also having to deal sideways (your fellow coworkers) and upwards (your traders).
Someone once said that we all have time to die, but no time to fall sick, which really made sense last Monday because there I was, lying around in pain because of a gastric flu, and still having to do the same convincing, cajoling, demanding, sweet-talking and haranging people to do things for me while passing out on the couch sporadicaly, only to be woken up by another counterparty calling for something else.
Incidentally, last Monday was a public holiday.
This probably all sounds like a bitch-fest and it probably is to a certain extent. On the drive from Piggotts to London, along the highway (I'm going to say it's the M6), someone painted this huge-ass sign along a wall that all drivers going to town can see. It says, "Why do I do this every day?" I remember looking at that and laughing when I first saw that, which was back in my college days.
Look who's laughing now, sonny.
Anyhow, I just got back from Hong Kong. The trip was immensely refreshing. I was exhausted for 3 days, and finally, somehow, I unwound on the 4th, which was the day I had to return as well. I might've been the bacon and eggs, the strange mixed drink, or just being able to walk for days not talking about work or career or money or things that I hear every single day, but I feel more centered. I also somehow got the chance to meet several kids from high society at posh expat gathering places, only to realize how lonely some of them can be. And how lucky I get to have beers and fish and chips with the guys on Wednesday night (and get whopped at the bar quiz by like, um, let's see, everyone else), and talk about random shit like why some t-shirts have seems on the sides while others don't (think about that one).
Oh well. It's 2:09am now. It's been good putting this down.
Why do I do this every day? |
